As everyone knows, pole dancers with hard-looking, enormous, gapingly-spaced breast implants are at the top of the social pyramid. Who wouldn’t want that life? If you’re itching to join the club, here are a few tips to guarantee your admittance.
Go Big or Go Home
If you’re not ready to pack the maximum legally allowable number of ccs into your breast implants, you’re just not committed. Don’t settle for breasts smaller than E cups. For bonus points, you’ll also want them to be very far apart (think armpits) with your nipples pointing in different directions.
Don’t Forget the Lips
Yes, bigness also applies to the lips. Nothing is sexier than a trout-pout magnified by 1,000. Just keep injecting and injecting and injecting until you want to cry for mercy. Fortunately, you can’t because your mouth has swollen shut.
Find a Like-Minded Surgeon
It sounds hard to believe, but not every plastic surgeon will just do whatever you want when you wave a fistful of money in his face. Some actually disapprove of stuffing patients with injectables and implants until their skin nearly bursts. Snobs.
This being the case, you’ll have to go to someone who cares only about money, who doesn’t believe in natural looking breast augmentation results, and who’ll never be distracted by annoyances like ethics and patient care. Once you find such a physician, you’ll want to book your appointment quickly, as that type tends to change names and addresses every few weeks.
Your breasts are your calling cards: you want them to enter the room well before you do and remain on everyone’s minds long after you leave. Carefully following the above tips will definitely get you the attention you deserve. Hopefully you’ll be able to enjoy it before any major infections set in.