The Kardashians, known best for their stellar judgment and medical expertise, are clearly the experts when it comes to sensible life decisions about your appearance. As such, Kylie Jenner offers a solution to your barely-there kisser: lip plumping!
Now, this is not to be confused with legit lip fillers injected artfully by an actual medical professional. Kylie instead suggests you put your lips in a bottle, and suck until your lips are tightly suctioned inside The harder, the better! And don’t worry if your lips feel like they are going to explode. As the saying goes, no pain, no gain.
So let’s say, against all common sense and medical advice, you do take the lip plumping challenge. Once you pop that puppy off your face, you may appear to have gotten into a fight with the vacuum cleaner—and lost. But that’s okay! Because your once-thin lips are now beyond plump. In fact, you can’t close your mouth, and you’re drooling all over like a St. Bernard eyeing an unsupervised steak dinner. Talk about sexy.
Unfortunately, the results are only temporary, so the swelling goes down after an hour or so. But as a parting gift for trying the lip plump challenge, you’ll gain a little Hitler’s-mustache-shaped hickey above your top lip that doesn’t go away for a week. Again: super duper sexy.
Okay, we’re just gonna put this out there… how about maybe not listening to the Kardashians about what’s best for your body? What about the truly groundbreaking concept of opting for actual dermal fillers to create a sultry pout worthy of Jessica Rabbit?
Or not. Black and blue are supposed to be the hottest colors this season, after all.