Did you know that Jocelyn Wildenstien is actually a respected and feared superhero? She springs into action when the New York Mayor’s office signals her with a searchlight that projects a scalpel into the night sky. Fact.
If you want to be a member of Jocelyn’s Justice League (fellow members: Mickey Rourke and L’il Kim), you have to find a cosmetic surgeon who’s not afraid to turn your face into a smorgasbord of unearthly terror. Let’s get started on that forehead, shall we?
Use the Lowest Possible Bidder
If you can find someone who’ll do your surgery for $500 and throw in a Knott’s Berry Farm coupon book, definitely go for it. Make sure to clean your home thoroughly—these types of “doctors” prefer the folksy and budget-friendly comfort of a kitchen counter to an actual operating table.
More BOTOX® = Better
If you’re interested in a nonsurgical brow lift à la BOTOX®, find someone who isn’t afraid to go super big with the injectables. It takes quite a high volume to achieve the desired level of forehead and eyebrow immobility.
Ask No Questions, and Voice No Concerns.
And who exactly are you to tell a surgeon how to do his job? Shut up and let him work his magic—he’s the one who went through the requisite medical schooling and acquired the proper certification. At least, that’s what his ad on Craigslist strongly implied.
In short, by going as cheap as possible, foregoing research and ignoring your instincts, you too can have a face that even Photoshop couldn’t improve.
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